Premature Letting Go

For nine months my body held you
So tight
That your birthing took almost two days
Exhausted, it succumbed and allowed itself to open
You were born screaming
You continued to scream with colic
Till you were almost old enough to stand
Only in my arms were you calm
Only within sight - could I be
As you toddled about
You felt superceded and resentful
When you sister came
How you mistreated her
Your jealousy justified
Then the divorce
The shared parenting
Ongoing transitions
That you could not cope with
The rage
The tears
Always my guilt - like chains
The bottomless pit within my heart
I watch you become more removed from me
My influence receding
You see me less - and less
Busy with adolescence
I look into your three year old photographed eyes
Tears prick
How do I indure this
Premature letting go